Date: Sat, 9 Mar 1996 18:34:07 -0500 (EST)

From: Jon Kohl

To: joke -- 105cc -- Jeff Bird ,

Dan Petit ,

Peter DeBalli ,

Andy Wellnitz ,

Annie Lovejoy ,

Audrey Benison ,

Bronson Griscom <74163.661@CompuServe.COM>,

Claire Schuster ,

Cynthia H Chalker ,

Darcy Jameson , Kevin Frank ,

JENNIFER R HULFORD ,

Jen Silverman ,

Kevin Harmon ,

kohl -- Brian Kohl ,

"A. Peter Kohl" ,

Lesley Barnhorn ,

Marsha Sitnik ,

"Mass Advanced Studies Program -- MCGAFFIGAN,JAY"

john Santamaria ,

Jose A Guerra , Joyce Connery ,

Mike Smith ,

Miles Smith <74364.2077@compuserve.com>,

Patrick Earle ,

Quint Newcomer ,

Rachel Johnson ,

Tim Robinson ,

Sean Andrish ,

Shannon Ammerman , Therese L Groh ,

Tim Cronen , Jennifer Weber ,

Yvonne Novak ,

Yura Vracko

Subject: Jokeline

Welcome to the Jon Kohl Jokeline. Over time I grew weary of sending

jokes to individuals and jokes would pile up on my desktop, cluttering

and unappreciated. For this reason I decided to incorporate and move

on to the big time.

If you

don't want to be on this list, just ask to be taken off and I'll be only

mildly offended. Do note that many jokes are a bit on the disrespectful

side of those entertaining only good non-offensive humor. The really bad

stuff will go out to a limited list of you who can take it. This is an

exclusive list representing three

countries from around the world! and only friends and relatives are

welcomed. And submissions too.

Job Interview Quotations

Vice Presidents and personnel directors of the one hundred largest

corporations were asked to describe their most unusual experience

interviewing prospective employees.

A job applicant challenged the interviewer to an arm wrestle.

Interviewee wore a Walkman, explaining that she could listen to the

interviewer and the music at the same time.

Candidate fell and broke arm during interview.

Candidate announced she hadn't had lunch and proceeded to eat a

hamburger and french fies in the interviewers office.

Candidate explained that her long-term goals was to replace the

interviewer.

Candidate said he never finished high school because he was kidnapped

and kept in a closet in Mexico.

Balding Candidate excused himself and returned to the office a few

minutes later wearing a headpiece.

Applicant said if he was hired he would demonstrate his loyalty by

having the corporate logo tattooed on his forearm.

Applicant interrupted interview to phone her therapist for advice on

how to answer specific interview questions.

Candidate brought large dog to interview.

Applicant refused to sit down and insisted on being interviewed

standing up.

Candidate dozed off during interview.

The employers were also asked to list the "most unusual" questions

that have been asked by job candidates.

"What is it that you people do at this company?"

"What is the company motto?"

"Why aren't you in a more interesting business?"

"What are the zodiac signs of all the board members?"

"Why do you want references?"

"Do I have to dress for the next interview?"

"I know this is off the subject, but will you marry me?"

"Will the company move my rock collection from California to

Maryland?"

"Will the company pay to relocate my horse?"

"Does your health insurance cover pets?"

"I have lactose intolerance, so will you pay me more to hold in my

farts?"

"Would it be a problem if I'm angry most of the time?"

"Does your company have a policy regarding concealed weapons?"

"Do you think the company would be willing to lower my pay?"

"Why am I here?"

Also included are a number of unusual statement made by candidates

during the interview process.

I have no difficulty in starting or holding my bowel movement.

At times I have the strong urge to do something harmful or shocking.

I feel uneasy indoors.

Sometimes I feel like smashing things.

Women should not be allowed to drink in cocktail bars.

I think that Lincoln was greater than Washington.

I get excited very easily.

Once a week, I usually feel hot all over.

I am fascinated by fire.

I like tall women.

Whenever a man is with a woman he is usually thinking about sex.

People are always watching me.

If I get too much change in a store, I always give it back.

Almost everyone is guilty of bad sexual conduct.

I must admit that I am a pretty fair talker.

I never get hungry.

I know who is responsible for most of my troubles

If the pay was right, I'd travel with the carnival.

I would have been more successful if nobody would have snitched on me.

My legs are really hairy.

I think I'm going to throw-up.

This submission to the Jon Kohl Jokeline comes from Brian Kohl, living

the virtual life in San Francisco, CA! Thank you Mr. Kohl for your

contribution. You'll receive a complimentary copy of the Jokeline's

peer-reviewed journal and our official membership ring.

Jokemaster

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Jon Kohl Yale School of Forestry &

420 Temple St. #501 Environmental Studies

New Haven, CT 06511 Tel: 203-436-2131

USA Fax: 203-432-5942

http://pantheon.cis.yale.edu/~jkohl/jonhome.html/

For Netscape 2.0

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