What a great response we've had to our re-evaluation of Jokeline. Here's one letter:
I made a lot of noise in the lab when I read the new jokeline. Thanks.
Kristen Fryling
School for International Training
Vermont
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Which noises did you make, Kristen? We at Jokeline assume that that's a compliment and not a sign of sickness.
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Daniel Smith-Rowsey, another QC consultant in Madrid, Spain, explains the importance of accurate spelling and alternate meaning. Remember that the last line of last issue of Jokeline read: "We at the Jokeline Office hope you find the improvements we make here to meat your veery hiest sttandirds of koalatea."
To which Daniel sent us the following telling anecdote:
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Two Englishmen are sitting around drinking tea. One says, "This is the
best bloody tea I've ever had!"
The other replies, "I know. It's from a special town in Australia called
Mercy. Bloody marvelous, isn't it?"
The first one: "I've got to have some in my house. I'll pay anything."
"Sorry, old man. I've barely any left and the only way to get more is to
fly to Australia."
The next day, the first man gets on a plane and flies to Down Under. In
Sydney he rents a car and drives to the outback to the aboriginal village
of Mercy. A solemn man meets his car as he drives up.
"I've come for the tea," the Englishman says. The man nods, and points him
to a large hut in the middle of things. The Englishman walks up to the hut
and is met by someone who is apparently the village chief.
"I've come for the tea," the Englishman says. The chief brings him into
the hut, where two things are immediately apparent: a big cauldron of
boiling water, and a rack of strung-up, dead koalas. The chief takes a
koala off the rack, puts it on a cutting board, slices it to pieces, dumps
the pieces in the water, and after a suitable interval, takes a cup, scoops
a cupful out and hands it to the Englishman.
"Drink," the chief says.
The Englishman is about to vomit. He says, "I can't drink this! There are
little bits of koala face in it!"
The chief replies: "Sir, the koala tea of Mercy is not strained."
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Another consultant to whom we are kicking back funds is my own dad who suggested implementing a new training program for Jokeline staffers.
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SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
In order to assure the highest levels of quality work and productivity
from Jokeline employees, it will be our policy to keep all employees well
trained through our program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(S.H.I.T.). We are trying to give employees more S.H.I.T. than anyone
else.
If you feel that you Jokeline staffers do not receive your share of S.H.I.T. on the job,
please see your Jokemaster. You will be immediately placed at the top of
the S.H.I.T. list, and our managers are especially skilled at seeing
that you get all the S.H.I.T. you can handle.
Employees who don't take their S.H.I.T. will be placed in DEPARTMENTAL
EMPLOYEE EVALUATION PROGRAMS (D.E.E.P S.H.I.T.). Those who fail to
take D.E.E.P S.H.I.T. seriously will have to go to EMPLOYEE ATTITUDE
TRAINING (E.A.T S.H.I.T.). Since our managers took S.H.I.T. before
they were promoted, they don't have to do S.H.I.T. anymore, and are
all full of S.H.I.T. already.
If you are full of S.H.I.T., you may be interested in a job training
others. We can add your name to our BASIC UNDERSTANDING LECTURE LIST
(B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T.). Those who are full of B.U.L.L. S.H.I.T. will get
the S.H.I.T. jobs, and can apply for promotion to DIRECTOR OF
INTENSITY PROGRAMMING (D.I.P. S.H.I.T.).
If you have further questions, please direct them to our HEAD OF
TRAINING, SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING (H.O.T. S.H.I.T.).
Thank you,
BOSS IN GENERAL
SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY TRAINING
(B.I.G. S.H.I.T.)
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Many of you already received the press release annoucing the publication of my new book at the National Zoo of Costa Rica where I worked for two years as a Peace Corps. The book was just presented publicly a week ago last Friday. This week we're going to have both a translation and a riddle answering contest. I apologize to all those who don't speak Spanish, but Jokeline is an equal opportunity speaker.
The book, an assemblage of activities, was written for grades 1-6 in the capital city of San Jose. It's about solid waste management. It also accompanies a children's fantasy story about solid waste.
First, all those who can read Spanish (heck, even for those who can't) please submit an interpretation in English of the following slogan of my book and we'll see what we get. The winner will be extolled in next week's Jokeline.
Mezclar Desechos es Torpeza -- Aprovecharlos es Riqueza
The following is the riddle of the story. See if you can solve it. Remember the context described above and also there's one reference that is Costa Rican. So if you haven't been to Costa Rica ever not likely you'll get the riddle. But give it a try. Good answers, even if wrong, win recognition in Jokeline. I'll supply translations for both pieces next week.
El que no ve el tucan, no lo atrapara.
El que sabe que el tucan se esconde en el basurero, lo atrapara.
Y el que dice que no hay tucan es un mentiroso.
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The Jokeline Archives Department would like to ask Jokeliners if they see any benefit in putting back issues of Jokeline on the Web. Except for Daniel Smith-Rowsey who is reading through all the back issues, would that be of use to anyone?
And last for this week, never forget a traditional parable of life:
Three little old ladies were sitting together on a park bench. All of a
sudden a flasher comes up to them and flashes them.
The first little old lady had a stroke.
The second little old lady had a stroke.
The third little old lady's arms weren't long enough.
Jokemaster