From: Jon Kohl
X-Sender: jkohl@morpheus
To: joke -- 105cc -- Jeff Bird Dan Petit Peter DeBalli Alejandra Zuniga Andy Wellnitz Annie Lovejoy Audrey Benison Bronson Griscom <74163.661@CompuServe.COM>, burch -- Bill Martin Erin McKenna Chris Page Tom Pokalski "Claire R. Schuster" Darcy Jameson JENNIFER R HULFORD JAY MCGAFFIGAN Jen Silverman john Santamaria Jose A Guerra Kevin Harmon kohl -- Brian Kohl "A. Peter Kohl" Lesley Barnhorn Marsha Sitnik Mike Smith Miles Smith <74364.2077@CompuServe.COM>, Patrick Earle Quint Newcomer Rachel Johnson Tim Robinson Sean Andrish Shana H Liberman Shannon Ammerman Therese L Groh Tony Hartshorn Jennifer Weber Yvonne Novak Yura Vracko Cc: Greg York Subject: Jokeline #3: Back to School HELLo Jokeliners! For those of you who were on spring break, HELLcome back to school! This edition of Jokeline is to HELLp ease you back into the swing of things. So put on your sHADES and enjoy. I did get PITCHFORKED by my brother last week who had contributed the piece on the Supermodel philosophies. That would be Brian working in a computer animation firm out in the San Fran area. And surely I'll get FLAMED by this week's contributors because, well, I forgot who they are as HELL. Hopefully those jokes will be SATING your humorous apetite. Jokemaster TOP TEN SUBTLE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN GRAD SCHOOL AND HELL 10. It doesn't rain in Hell. 9. Everyone has heard of Hell. 8. It's more fun getting into Hell. 7. You can't fail out of Hell. 6. At least you can sleep in Hell. 5. Hell is forever, grad school just seems like it. 4. People smile in Hell. 3. You only have to sell your soul to go to Hell. 2. You know there are hot men and women in Hell. 1. You wouldn't tell a friend to go to Grad School. Collegiate Hierarchy in Hell THE DEAN Leaps tall buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a locomotive Is faster than a speeding bullet Walks on water Gives policy to the Devil THE DEPARTMENT HEAD Leaps short buildings in a single bound Is more powerful than a switch engine Is just as fast as a speeding bullet Talks with The Devil PROFESSOR Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds Is almost as powerful as a switch engine Is faster than a speeding BB Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool Talks with the Devil if a special request is honored ASSOCIATE PROFESSOR Barely clears a quonset hut Loses tug of war with a locomotive Can fire a speeding bullet Swims well Is occassionally addressed by the Devil ASSISTANT PROFESSOR Makes high marks on the walls when trying to leap tall buildings Is run over by locomotives Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury Treads water Talks to animals INSTRUCTOR Climbs walls continually Rides the rails Plays Russian Roulette Walks on thin ice Prays a lot GRADUATE STUDENT Runs into buildings Recognizes locomotives two out of three times Is not issued ammunition Can stay afloat with a life jacket Talks to walls UNDERGRADUATE STUDENT Falls over doorstep when trying to enter buildings Says "Look at the choo-choo" Wets himself with a water pistol Plays in mud puddles Mumbles to himself DEPARTMENT SECRETARY Lifts buildings and walks under them Kicks locomotives off the tracks Catches speeding bullets in her teeth and eats them Freezes water with a single glance She IS The Devil. Jokeline disclaimer: The Devil made me change his name for God's in each of the preceding stanzas. I'll be packing for an eternal trip to the Tropics. ***************************************************************** Jon Kohl Yale School of Forestry & 420 Temple St. #501 Environmental Studies New Haven, CT 06511 Tel: 203-436-2131 USA Fax: 203-432-5942 http://www.yale.edu/~jkohl Updated 20 March; comments welcomed on new home page features. *****************************************************************